3. Communication Skills
The communication portion of the class was massive. It ranged from the physical capabilities we have for communicating to how we utilize those tools for a variety of audiences to meet them where they are. At its most basic, we started off thinking about the different ways we communicate, verbally and non-verbally. It’s not something you usually actively think about, and, in fact, to strip it back even further, we had to examine what it was we meant by communicating, just so it was clear what the end goal was.
I particularly liked the emphasis on the success portion of the definition, which was roughly:
“the imparting or exchanging of info by some manner (speaking, writing, &c.); successfully conveying or sharing ideas, feelings…”
It’s no good to write 10,000 words or speak from a podium if your message isn’t getting across.
The exercises we went through, in class1, reinforced and explored some misconceptions about communication and just how effective so many ways could be, or how many options there were to us, to communicate. For example, for one task we were split into groups of 2-3 and each was tasked with building a shape out of tangrams. In each group a person or persons were tasked with being a kind of architect and the others builders. At first, the architect was allowed to look at what was going on but couldn’t speak, and then the architect would be prevented from seeing the result, but would have to explain to the builders how to build what they wanted2.
What I Do Well
It’s a great opportunity to be able to evaluate your own communication methods and cast a critical eye over what I do well and what I could improve on. I’m pretty good at written communication3, Keynote slide-based communication, verbal communication, and I’ve gotten better over the last few years doing loads of road shows and coding workshops outside of volleyball for Apple; I’ve gotten some great advice and feedback on my delivery, both in person and online, that I think has made me more conscious of slowing down, using fewer words, pausing, and generally focusing, in that case, on the WHY, more than anything.
One lecture I’ve encountered along that way that helped with communication is Patrick Winston’s “How to Speak” lecture at MIT:
I can’t recommend it enough for key considerations to make when you wish to convey information to someone, and it encompasses the gambit, just like the CDC course, from body language, to props, environment, even ways to pace and close out the talk. If you’re giving a one-way talk to a group of coaches (or athletes), this will give you the tools to keep them engaged and remember what you’ve told them.
What I Would Love to Do Better
One of the slides Jim threw up talked about Clarity. Clarity in verbal and non-verbal communication. Obviously there’s a lot of room for us to not be clear in our communication when we write, speak, just as they are, taken in isolation. But the extra wrinkle we have to be conscious of, as coaches and coach developers, is the other modes of communication working in tandem (or against) the others. Since we’re often in-person, and we’re teaching or demonstrating in active situations where movement is what we’re all so keyed on, all that non-verbal communication is going to be picked up, on some level. Like I might be saying, “It’s okay, no big deal,” while simultaneously grimacing AND strangling my notebook into a permanent curl. So it’s probably not NOT a big deal, from my physical response. And I’m the worst at hiding my reaction to things, as my wife will tell me after a match that hasn’t gone so well. Maybe I need a bigger clipboard to hide behind out there.
Other Communication Skills I’d Love to Hone
The communication section didn’t stop there, though, because then we delved into some tools that help us communicate in unexpected ways. Because when you hear communication your first impulse might be, well, it’s a diatribe or blog post or recording or someone speaking from a podium or TED stage or something, right? I know that might be my gut picture for communication, anyway.
Of course listening is a HUGE part of communication, especially if we consider it a two-way street. Which the definition above makes sure to note… exchanging info and sharing all hint that it can’t (or shouldn’t, anyway) simply be someone bringing the coaching tablets down from the mountain.
But how do we listen if we’re trying to get someone to do something?4
[pause for reflection]
…
I suppose, for me, this is where I have to remember to let patience come into play. And also to not sweat the small stuff5. By listening there is the chance for your intervention or response to be even more valuable, because you’ll have some vital context from the person to whom you’re listening to apply to the situation.
Questioning
One of our best tools for effective communication is questioning. If a person isn’t going to voluntarily give you the whole low-down, you might need some tools to work it out of them.
And we can spend time crafting our questions to get the best engagement from others, because there are a few types of questions we might ask: closed, probing, open, and leading.
I’ve seen some of these examples before, but it was so good to get a refresher, because I certainly get lazy and lean on closed questions, like I’m sure a lot of us do. Closed are questions that get a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer and can shut down a conversation pretty quick. I’ve got teenagers, so I’m well used to the effect of closed questions.
A few years ago I read/listened to Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss (https://www.blackswanltd.com/never-split-the-difference) and have since revisited it a few times.
There’s actually an interesting use case for closed questions in the book, which are designed to open up conversations by getting a ‘no,’ out of the box, so you can probe, with the other person, where your differences lie, or how they came about their thinking6.
Chapter 7 is all about calibrated questions to help connect with the other person by getting them to think deeper about the question and response, because it will require a bit more effort on their part.
I see a lot of these techniques in motivational interviewing, which I first heard about from the Coach Your Brains Out guys:
I wound up buying the book, Coaching Athletes to Be Their Best, by Stephen Rollnick, Jonathan Fader, Jeff Breckon, and Theresa B. Moyers (https://www.routledge.com/Coaching-Athletes-to-Be-Their-Best-Motivational-Interviewing-in-Sports/Rollnick-Fader-Breckon-Moyers/p/book/9781462541263)
Listening
Once we’ve deployed our questions is when we can employ our listening skills. It’s so easy to get distracted these days, with our attention spans shortened by our daily interactions on social media and the speed and volume at which info is conveyed. Those two books and the types of questions we discussed on the course require a bit of dedication. Physical distractions (fidgeting), internal distractions (worrying about having left the oven on, about the roster you need to fill out, safety gear to be replenished, &c.), a pre-canned, expected response composed in your own head so you’re not fully engaged with the other person’s answer can all prevent us from really listening.
I also really liked that “Avoid making judgements” was highlighted as a way to become a better listener. I want to make sure my coach development sessions feel like a safe haven, and giving the impression that judgement is being passed is a surefire way to trigger that amygdala hijack and have the person with whom you’re communicating clam up or lash out and shut down all further communication for the moment.
One of my favorite pieces of the class, incidentally, was how well Jim, our Coach Developer Developer, modeled best practices throughout the weekends. He got us budding coach developers using the techniques and concepts he introduced in every task, and there were a lot of tasks. So it wasn’t simply fire-hosing information at us, but giving it to us in all sorts of ways, emphasizing the myriad of ways communication can be achieved.
I suddenly have sympathy for any builder or coder or anyone who makes things who has ever had to work with me. :)
I’m cheating by writing this self-reflection journal as an out loud post to chuck up on the Coaching Volleyball Substack (http://coachingvolleyball.substack.com/) at some point (NOW!!), hence the sometimes flip between genuine self-reflection and some outwards-facing callouts like this lecture. I swear, I use far fewer footnotes in my internal dialogue. Also fewer Keynote diagrams. And video links. Also the word ‘ample’ doesn’t often come up all that often in the old stream of consciousness.
Not in a nefarious way, though it kind of sounds like that. But if you can’t get past that language, imagine I said “how do we just sit back and listen if we’re desperately trying to get someone to teach setting the way we’d like them to or at least consider introducing the tools you’re offering into their athletes’ lives?”
In the Art of Coaching Volleyball Head Coach Level One Certification Jim Stone, the instructor, talks a lot about identifying the ‘big rocks’ of a session. These are the main touchstones you would build a practice or session around, with some wiggle room in the details.
Not to become solely a CYBO fan club (as you’ll see in a few sentences), but John Mayer runs a great segment where he tries to get two guests to have differing opinions to foster discussion… the latest example is here: